Gnomes Raid Police Station

Posted by Catfish as Mystery, humor

Over a decade ago, a few friends and I drove around our hometown and collected every gnome and lawn ornament we could lay our grubby little hands on. We carted the whole lot of gnomes to another house where we had earlier discovered the holy of holies, a 3f tall gnome perched atop a pile of dirt. Such a majestic gnome was definitely meant to be surrounded with subjects to do his most gnomley bidding. All in all 13 gnomes, a couple pink flamingos, a stone mushroom and a cone were left on some random person’s yard. The next day we noticed the police at the house and some time later, our gnome relocation efforts came to a halt once we read that the gnomes had serial gnumbers left on them by the cops! Welp, we never got in the papers with our measly 13 gnome stunt, but seems some fuckers in Oregon relocated 75 gnomes, and well, they got in the paper for it. Read up on some fine acts of hooliganism:

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Got Jesus?

Posted by Catfish as humor, spirituality

Two interesting observations:

1) In light of this image, those who have claimed Jesus was dark skinned and not white skinned, were probably right.

2) The phrase “holy shit” for once would hold true meaning when uttered in reaction to seeing this miracle before you.

I wonder if you can sell dog butt on ebay???

(link)

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Lost in translation

Posted by Catfish as humor, language and words, neat web thingy

Recently I have been working as a trainer for a real estate company, training workers from India to handle the account collections. As I’ve spent some time trying to train “Jack Martin” and “Greg Miller” (gotta love the American name set) in the fine art of reading the collection call script, I have encountered many translation issues along the way which force me to stop and rethink exactly what it is I am trying to convey. For instance, the word “unit” in the context of this real estate company refers to a single condominium unit. After delving into a multi hour training with one of my trainees, at the end of what I thought was one of my best breaths of hot air ever extolled, fully deluding myself that I had trained him in single session to do the work…he asks me…”excuse Mr. Jeremy, but can you tell me, what is it, a unit please?” So, at that point I decided to start over, and begin from the very basics, defining terms every step of the way and making sure to be as mindful as possible when choosing the words I used to train these guys.

As part of the process, I decided to go back and spend some time first getting to know my trainees better, mostly to just get them into some conversations outside of the training so I could hear what their conversational English vocabulary was actually like. At one point the conversation turned to who our favorite music artists were. I admitted that my tastes change so often that I could not truly pick a favorite. I then asked Jack who his favorite artist was to which he replied, “Do you know of the shackera?”

I pause, absorb…”oh, you mean Shakira?”

“Yes, the I love the shackera. My favorite song is the hips don’t lie. I have printed out the lyrics.”

I nearly lost it, and thank god skype has a mute button, ’cause otherwise I would have a hard time training this guy afterwards because he would think I was about to make fun of him all the time. Not only does Jack Martin from around the globe enjoy the musical styling of Shakira, but he has printed out the lyrics! I laughed all weekend about this story and then, come Monday, I am training him again when he decides to email the lyrics, that he had indeed printed out.

In the spirit translation, I found the following link that demonstrates in a neat little way, just how things are lost in translation. This page demonstrates “what happens when an English phrase is translated (by computer) back and forth between 5 different languages.” Here you can see my attempt, which worked out rather well I think. I may just use this service from now on to translate my intended speech into pure babel from now on for future training gigs.

(link)

Original English Text:
No matter how hard I try, I still don’t enjoy listening to Shakira’s music.

Translated to French:
N’importe comment dur j’essaye, je n’ai toujours pas plaisir à
écouter la musique de Shakira.

Translated back to English:
Anyhow hard I test, I still do not have pleasure to listen to the
music of Shakira.

Translated to German:
Irgendwie stark prüfe ich, ich noch habe nicht Vergnügen, Musik von
Shakira zu hören.

Translated back to English:
Somehow strongly I, I check still do not have pleasures to hear music
from Shakira to.

Translated to Italian:
In qualche modo fortemente I, controllo ancora non ho piaceri sentire
la musica da Shakira a.

Translated back to English:
In some way strongly I, control still I do not have pleasures to feel
music from Shakira to.

Translated to Portuguese:
Em alguma maneira fortemente I, controle ainda eu não tenho prazeres
sentir a música de Shakira a.

Translated back to English:
In some way strong I, control still I do not have pleasures to feel
the music of Shakira.

Translated to Spanish:
De una cierta manera I fuerte, control todavía no tengo placeres de
sentir la música de Shakira.

Translated back to English:
Of a certain way I fort, control still I do not have pleasures to feel
the music of Shakira.

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